Top 5 Worst Programming Languages

This is the reverse post of my highly popular Top 5 Best Programming Languages post. My only metric for a good programming language is time to get things done and ship to customers. Only shipping matters, everything else is an excuse.

1 Haskell

The ultimate dont-get-anything-done language. You will spend all your time pretending to be clever by matching types and don't get the work done. Absolutely useless language made for exobrain academics to write papers no one will read.

2 Rust

A language that is a syntax error. It looks like syntax error, it acts like a syntax error, and it prints a syntax error, so it is a syntax error! Your job is to spend all day figuring out how to make it not be a syntax error rather than focusing on solving the actual customer problem.

3 C++

A Turing tarpit language that has black-holed on its own complexity. The standards committee keeps adding new garbage no one ever asked for and that has no use because if they didn't add it, then they wouldn't be paid salaries and would lose committee seats. This is a language that was finished in 1998 or maybe 2003 but has been forced to add new complexity every year or else people with funny hairstyles would be out of jobs.

4 Python

Language made for mechanical tabular processors. Requires a hand crank to operate the tabular shifter. Forget the crank, and you are unable to shift the program to the right by a tab, and your entire program no longer works. It's taking C++'s path by endlessly adding new crap to the language no one needs just because progress is needed. The syntax is getting conflicting and confusing. This is the new Turing tarpit language with an unique extra feature of single line lambdas. Walrus operator my ass, Pascalistas.

5 JavaScript

JavaScript used to be a neat and small C-like language that everyone loved. A couple of if statements and you were done. Now it's turning into yet another Turing tarpit language that doesn't know where it's going, with no clear leadership who can say no. It's a language that just like all other languages is adding features from all other languages that no one asked for or needs. All these languages are morphing into a single language where everything is possible but nothing is doable or practical.

I hope you don't use these languages and see you next time!

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